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A New Take On The Four Passover Questions

By: Shera Dubitsky, Sharsheret Clinical Supervisor

In just a few days, Jews all over the world will participate in the Passover Seder. We will read from the same text, engage in many of the same rituals. Yet each Seder is unique. Every family brings its own traditions to the Seder, how they prepare, who hosts, who takes the lead, and who will clean up the next morning after only a few hours of sleep.

Individually, our Seder experience changes year to year. It is quite amazing how I can read the same story over and over again, yet each repetition highlights different aspects of the story depending on what’s going on in my life at the time. Perhaps this is why we are directed to read this story annually. We are challenged to find new meaning and garner new strength to guide us along the varying milestones of the journey, bringing us out of uncertainty to seder (order).

I imagine that for those of you, like me, who have a family history of cancer, you may relate to those Jews who were debating whether or not to leave Egypt. “Is this a journey that is necessary for me to take or will I be safe enough here?”

For those of you who are diagnosed with breast cancer or ovarian cancer, perhaps you connect with the people who felt rushed to make a decision with limited information and time to prepare as they embarked on their journey to the unknown. “I know that my well-being is in jeopardy in this moment. I am tired. I am scared. How should I push forward?”

Many people who left Egypt survived the splitting of the sea, wandering in the wilderness, and the anticipation of the journey into Canaan, wondered about the challenges ahead. Perhaps their story resonates with those of you who are post-treatment. “I am in awe of everything that I have survived to this point. I have learned so much about myself and my family and friends, but there is that little voice whispering in my ear, what lies ahead for me?”

Family members who have a loved one living with breast or ovarian cancer may relate to Moses’ family, who played an active role in the Passover story. “How can I best support my loved one?”

These Four Questions are just a sampling of the questions we hear at Sharsheret on a daily basis. We receive calls from women differing in age and cultural background. Women call us at varying junctures along their breast cancer or ovarian cancer journey. Although each individual and each family will have its own approach to coping and navigating this journey, Sharsheret is here to help provide seder (order), to share information, and to offer support along the way. As you continue to revisit the Passover story, we encourage you to revisit Sharsheret along your journey. Here you will find renewed meaning and renewed hope.

Celebrating the Big 3-0 With Breast Cancer

By: Ronit Brakha of Memphis, Tennessee, Sharsheret Peer Supporter

November 7, 1998 started out as a very regular Shabbat and ended up being a day my family and I will never forget. I was getting dressed for synagogue when my thumb bumped into something hard on my breast. I ignored it and went on with my day. Later that afternoon, I checked again, and yes, the lump was still there. At that point I told my husband who said he also felt it. Monday took forever to arrive. I made an appointment with the first available doctor in my OB-GYN practice. That doctor said it was probably nothing, to try eliminating chocolate and caffeine from my diet and come back in a month. I was a few weeks shy of my 30th birthday, which is probably why he thought it was reasonable to assume that it was nothing. I made my appointment for the following month and went home. However, somewhere deep in my gut I didn't feel right. I never had cysts and it didn't make sense to me that I would suddenly have one. I called back the next day and got an appointment with my regular doctor. I saw her on Wednesday and she sent me for a mammogram, which came back suspicious on Thursday. I saw a surgeon on Friday and was scheduled for a lumpectomy that Monday.

It was then that I took a deep breath and reached out to the wonderful friends and doctors in my community. I spoke to a friend of ours who is a radiologist and he took a look at my mammogram scans and told me that there was more there than just the one lump. He spoke with a colleague of his, who opened her clinic for me on a Sunday, did several ultrasound pictures, and gave me a hand-written report. She wouldn’t take any money or insurance information. She told me to just go and get better. The next step was an appointment with a surgeon who did a needle biopsy on three different places on my breast. All three came back positive for cancer. On the Friday before my 30th birthday I met with the surgeon who determined that the best course of action would be a modified radical mastectomy. My one request was to get through my birthday first. So my surgery was scheduled for the Thursday after my 30th birthday.

When I was first diagnosed, I didn't know what to do or think or even feel. I was a young wife and mother. I had three beautiful children ages 1, 3, and 5. They needed their mother. What could I do? Where could I turn? I put my name on our community's prayer list. I am the only Ronit in our city, so everyone in the community knew I was sick. That was the best thing I could have done for myself. Reaching out gave me the support and love that my family and I needed to get through this difficult time. I am thrilled to be part of Sharsheret’s national network of peer supporters and provide much-needed support to other young women facing a breast cancer diagnosis.

My Breast Cancer Journey

By: Evie Kaplan Downing of Wilmington, Delaware, Sharsheret Caller

My journey with breast cancer began on Mother’s Day 2009. I was 28-years-old. While breastfeeding my 21-month-old son, I noticed that my right breast hurt. Instead of feeling the small, firm spot signaling a clogged duct that I expected to find, I felt a much larger lump. I immediately made an appointment with my doctor who was, thankfully, able to see me that day. After she examined my breast, she assured me that she didn’t think the lump was cancerous. Just to be safe, she wanted me to have an ultrasound and a mammogram and probably a biopsy too, but she didn’t think I had anything to worry about. I went for my mammogram a few days later feeling lighthearted and unconcerned. I thought nothing of it when the technician told me that the radiologist needed to speak with me. He explained that my right breast showed large calcium deposits that were “consistent with carcinoma.” Before I knew it, I had an appointment with a breast surgeon. A biopsy showed that the tumor was, indeed, cancerous. I had a lumpectomy and 16 cancerous lymph nodes removed, and then learned I would need a mastectomy. I met with an oncologist who suggested I have genetic testing done because I am of Ashkenazi descent and was diagnosed at such a young age. At the time, I had no idea that being an Ashkenazi Jew put me at higher risk. The test showed that I was BRCA2 positive, so I opted for a bilateral mastectomy. The mastectomy was followed by 5 months of chemotherapy and 4 weeks of radiation, as well as breast reconstruction with expanders followed by silicone implants.

My involvement with Sharsheret began when my mother suggested that I call. I was really touched by how much the clinical staff cared about my well-being. They set me up with a peer supporter who had also been diagnosed while she was still breastfeeding, but at the time, I was still in too much shock over my diagnosis to make the call. After I completed most of my treatment, I began thinking about how I would have to put off having more children and found it very upsetting. Sharsheret set me up with another peer supporter. I realized that I’m not quite ready to face delayed childbearing head-on, but it is comforting to know that when I am ready, there is someone there for me to speak with who has been through this as well. This past December I participated in Sharsheret’s teleconference on prophylactic surgery for breast and ovarian cancer. I found it reassuring to hear women who had undergone prophylactic surgery speak about the pros and cons and about how it had affected them. The teleconference also answered several questions I had about having an oophorectomy.

I will be taking medication for the next five years. I will consider having an oophorectomy before I turn 40 because of my increased risk of ovarian cancer. At the same time, I learned that I am a whole lot stronger than I knew. I learned what an amazing group of friends I have. My husband and I realized how much we really mean to each other and that we really do want to spend the rest of our lives together. It has not been an easy journey, but I have learned a lot about myself and the world. I would never wish breast cancer on anyone, but I would also never take back my experience.

You’re Too Young To Have Cancer

By: Marcia Donziger of Denver Colorado, Sharsheret Peer Supporter

I was 27 and thought I had a bladder infection. It turned out to be a tumor on my right ovary. At first, my gynecologist was not concerned. “Could it be cancer?” I worried. “No,” she replied, “You’re too young to have cancer.” I was married and trying to get pregnant at the time, so I scheduled surgery immediately to get it over with. The doctor assured me the worst that could happen is I’d lose one ovary and I would still be able to have children. She was confident the tumor was benign.

On the day of my surgery, I was wheeled into the pre-op room. That’s when the medical assistant approached me with a legal form to sign, agreeing to the potential of having a hysterectomy. My doctor and I never discussed this. Five hours later, the surgery was over, and I was in the recovery room. I was in a lot of pain. That’s when my doctor broke the news. “I’m sorry, but you have ovarian cancer. We had to do a complete hysterectomy.” Through the pain I heard, “You have cancer. You can’t have children.” The irony was that my doctor was six months pregnant. Her belly at my eye level made me feel even more devastated.

Stage IIIc ovarian cancer spread throughout my abdomen. I faced infertility, followed by a bowel obstruction, and six months of chemotherapy. One of the things I struggled with most was keeping friends and family up-to-date with what was going on. I felt the daily burden of not communicating effectively with those I loved who were so concerned. In 2007, I founded a non-profit organization to help all cancer patients and caregivers easily communicate with friends and family during the treatment process. MyLifeLine.org Cancer Foundation believes a strong support community is critical for cancer patients. We provide free, personal websites to cancer patients and caregivers so they can easily connect with family and friends, because no patient should ever feel alone.

The other major difficulty I dealt with was not knowing anyone else my age with ovarian cancer. The average age of diagnosis at that time was 61 and I was 27. The worst side effect was infertility and I couldn’t find anyone else who could relate to me. For this reason, I am so proud of Sharsheret for developing a peer support program for young, Jewish women living with ovarian cancer. I am excited to be a peer supporter and share the important message with other young women facing ovarian cancer that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and there are fertility options.

Today, my husband and I are the parents of twin boys, age 5 ½, who were born with the help of an anonymous egg donor and surrogate mom. Becoming a mom was the final piece to my healing, and I look forward to helping other young ovarian cancer patients through Sharsheret.

Pregnant With Breast Cancer

By: Michelle Rosch of Naperville, Illinois, Sharsheret Peer Supporter

On February 18th, 2008, two weeks after my 27th birthday and eight months into my first pregnancy, I was diagnosed with Stage III breast cancer. Due to the aggressive nature of my cancer, I delivered my son, Aiden, a month early and had a double mastectomy with reconstruction one week later. The doctors informed me that I was estrogen positive and would risk the cancer returning if I had any more children. My wonderful sister-in-law, April, offered to carry my next child, so I immediately started receiving daily hormone shots to harvest my eggs starting a week after my surgery with just three weeks to finish the process before I started chemotherapy.

During the summer of 2008, I received six chemotherapy treatments every three weeks for four months. After 18 days I started losing my hair, so my husband, Mike, and I decided to shave our heads. I shaved his head and he shaved mine. We actually laughed and had a fun time doing it! I bought a few wigs but only wore them for weddings. I was most comfortable wearing a cute scarf, especially since it was so hot outside. After chemo, I had 7 weeks of daily radiation. The radiation made me feel tired and my skin felt like I had a bad sunburn, but it was very tolerable compared to the side-effects of chemo.

As 2009 began, I had a preventive hysterectomy and had my first breast reconstruction surgery 3 weeks later - all before Aiden's first birthday. I accomplished so much in a year and it felt nice for the first time to view myself as a strong and brave person. I especially loved my new short hairstyle! Over the next year I had my last reconstructive surgeries and here I am today, 3 years later. I'm healthy, happy, feeling great, and loving life!

The most important thing for me to do is give back and make a difference in the lives of other women living with breast cancer. Volunteering for Sharsheret as a peer supporter has been such a positive part of my life. I remember what a difference it made for me to have support from other young survivors and I am happy to give back in any way I can.

Breast Cancer For My 26th Birthday

By: Shira Gross of New York City, Sharsheret Caller
 
On the drive back to Manhattan after an incredible birthday getaway weekend, I received a phone call that would change my life forever. “Your pathology came back positive for Invasive Ductile Carcinoma.” I was diagnosed with breast cancer on my 26th birthday.

That following week was a blur comprised of doctor shopping, crying, reading scary things online, questioning my faith, etc. Before I had a second to breathe, I was at the hospital getting a core guided MRI biopsy of two other “questionable” lumps in both breasts. In my periphery I see the stoic and stoney-eyed technician who immediately became sympathetic when I started to cry. She asked me, "Are you familiar with King Solomon?" She then shared with me a snippet from his life. He wore a ring that said, “this, too, shall pass” and he would look to his ring during tough times. She told me to be brave like King Solomon and that I would get through this.

“This, too, shall pass” really became a mantra for me throughout this experience – despite how cliché it sounded at the time. I knew I would get through my lumpectomy and return to work just a few days later. I knew I would get through four rounds of chemo and losing my hair and social life, and now I’m even able to go out in my wig and still get approached at a bar and I got promoted at work! And ultimately, after having a change of heart, I knew I would get through my bi-lateral mastectomy and somehow resort back to a somewhat normal life.

I am very grateful for finding Sharsheret and being connected with a peer supporter who I can call with any questions. As a young woman with breast cancer, there were many issues that I faced that I did not feel comfortable speaking about with most people. Fortunately, Sharsheret introduced me to another young woman who provided me with incredible support.

I thank G-d that I caught this myself so early and that I am a survivor! Sometimes we get caught up in challenges and cannot see through, but we can draw strength from knowing that “this, too, shall pass.”